Shaunanagins

I have wanted to write about this for a long time.  I have so much to say about it. The problem is that I don’t have any stories about it– not that I am willing to share, at least. The world belongs to people who have the best stories.  Sexual liberation belongs to women who are willing to stand up and say “I have sex! I have this much sex with this many people, and it’s okay!” or  “I dress like this, so take that society!” Purity, modesty, and all that is pro-Virgin power comes from personal testimonies and Conservatively told bible stories.

And then there’s me.

Of course, I admire people who do tell their stories. They have changed my life, and the world really does belong to them.  Stories have a neat way of improving social consciousness, evolving into full-blown movements. [Insert Pokemon evolution joke here?].

Me…

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Blogging is about….

Blogging to me is speaking up my soul to the world. It's the one way I connect myself with people of different geographies and it gives an opportunity to learn & understand about people and their culture. It's about pouring my inner-voices and let the world understand me through my blog.

Blogging is more about understanding your readers and writing blogs for them and hopefully this will ensure your interest & longivity in the writing arena. But sometimes it is necessary to write for yourself and take enough time & courage to make it happen to mark your presence among your readers.

When I blog, I find peace and rest of the time I'm overdose.

The why of it all

Writing is something which comes naturally to everybody as a want to express themselves and the want subsequently becomes a need. And most of the times when the voices in my head talks abruptly then it's difficult to get hold of what's going on in my mind. So, to make things simpler and basic writing down the voices is being human. And how long one will fight with himself to understand those voices? Therefore, sit down, open your laptop (or a notepad) and scribble till your head stops spinning.

I believe for me the need to express my soul is utmost important in this very life and the best way I can do so is by writing. I write, therefore I am.

Gone

In my school days there used to be a garden full of mango trees by my school… It was almost silent throughout the day except when the school boys used to race with their bicycle to their home after their school. The beauty of the place was that one can sing like a crow without being watched by many.

The place is almost ruined and most of the place is mostly occupied by the homes. And the peace had gone somewhere else.

It was just more than a place.

Delhi Gang Rape

Few days back a girl has been brutally raped by six men one after another. This shameful incident happened in the capital of India, Delhi. Rape is not just a physical and sexual harassment but more of a mental torture as rapists can walk in the gardens of society but the girl who has been raped has to hide her face behind the veil if at all she fights back to live again.

But the question arises, ‘How can men rape?’  Some men are retards maybe, a few of them may not have been taught moral education about how to be like a gentleman and they don’t understand the sentiments of this very life. If these men can understand that every woman is the creator of this nation and whatever they did is a sin and they’ll not be forgiven by anybody on this globe not even by themselves.

The whole nation is protesting for the rapists to be hanged till death. But hanging those six rapists is not the solution to fight against rape (or for such matter any injustice or crime done) and fighting doesn’t mean merely killing those six rapists. No not at all, we should look forward to curb the word ‘rape’ from our society. It is not about giving the rapists a lesson of their lifetime, it is about awakening of the human race for the protection of ‘the creators of us’. Women in any society should be respected & protected because they created us and they will continue to shape the world we live in.

In the last few days, 80% of the nation have made their profile picture a black dot on various social networking websites and merely putting a black dot of shame you can’t bring awakening in the soul of the nation. The people who rapes are of course lower section of society who need to be educated the morals of society and none of them ever used social networks. It’s good to see black dots all around but does it made the right impact?

The Delhi Police has reacted so aggressively that many protesters had been beaten up by the police to control the mob which almost collapsed the normal functioning of the city. The capital of India was forced to stop functioning normally. A protest is for the happening of good cause, the change for the future generation of any nation not for collapsing the smooth functioning of the nation. In the mean time a police constable (Shubash Tomar) died while evacuating the mob and the death of the constable is still a mystery to the whole nation. The brutal rape, the mysterious death of the constable and the protest against the death penalty of the rapists has stirred the nation emotionally.

I firmly believe that the rapists should not be hanged and they should be given last chance to prove them gentlemen but yes after their punishment according to the court of law for their brutal inhuman act. We should look at the bigger picture of bringing in reforms about our conscience about not letting the inhuman act happen further in any country. The police can’t assure safety & security of each citizen rather I believe that everyone should beware that anything un-happening can happen with us anytime. If the jungle is silent that doesn’t mean that there are no tigers in the forest. By saying this I am not being judgmental or otherwise, criticisms are always welcomed.

It’s a Human Reaction

It’s a human reaction,

To blow the face when there’s some action.

Mere se tu kabhi panga na lena,

Lena se pehle tu daar se milna.

Fear will tell you who I am?

It will show you the terror of my name.

Soch le agar tu fir bhi na samjha,

Maar maar k me faar dalunga.

Oh god! Oh god! Bol k tu royega.

Hospital me tu mahino soyega.

If you don’t want your broken bones,

You come to me with gaddis of cash.

When I’ll see your trembling face,

I’ll let you go with my merciful grace.

Dosto ka dost hoon, yaaro ka yaar.

Raham me karunga dil faar faar.

Dosti me toh jaan bhi dunga,

Dusmani ki toh sachi jaan le lunga.

It’s a human reaction,

To spread some compassion. 

Reflections

 

Going back to the year of 2008, this year I have finished my schooling but I didn’t pass with flying colours. The day my results were out I was more of afraid than being excited unlike my friends & their parents and of course my parents as well, because somewhere I knew my exam was not up to the mark to as of my friends. Well, I can justify my poor performance but that would not change the grades I scored or the unhappiness I have seen in my parent’s eyes. My parents wanted me to pursue engineering but with the marks I have scored, no decent engineering college would allow me to sit for their entrance exam. But I’ve to go to my college the same year, so I decided to take admission in a business administration college situated in Kolkata. I thank god that I’ve at least passed my school exams & got into some college and moved on with hopes & blessings from my parents & god.

Kolkata was completely a new city for me to live in. Well, Kolkata is the cheapest metro ever India has seen but unfortunately the dirtiest metro too. Most of the things in or of Kolkata were new to me that time, the City Centres, the Metro Railways, the Park Street restaurants, the overcrowded local trains, the cacophonous traffic-jams, the historical buildings & temples, the crowd of Esplanade and not to forget the beautiful bong girls sometimes in tight jeans showing the curves of their buttock and sometimes the modest beauty in Sari. This city made me learn many new aspects of life, like, very few people get the opportunity to do something good and when you get the opportunity don’t let it go waste but capitalise it. This city made a competitive bloke, the competition without any variable results but satisfaction, the satisfaction of the untold competition between us which made me realise my life in a certain way. As each day passed, I grew old with this city knowing some happenings in and around it, it was like that, this city has started to remove the veil from its face and let me know its secrets. The impacts of the happenings around the city were both good and bad depending upon how the people there perceived the situation. The funniest thing about this city is about Bengalis (I’m a Bengali too), they will argue with non-Bengalis keeping a safe distance so that their face doesn’t get any blows. Honestly, this is a beautiful place to live in and rest one’s life.

My three years of college passed in no time. I started to give home tuitions from which I could earn enough pocket money, the best time pass you can do where you can earn money and respect and capacity too. Thankfully got few jewels of life, my classmates cum friends without whom those three years would have been a waste. The professors who given their time religiously for the lectures, most of them were good at making us understand the concept of the subject, thank you all for your effort and helping me and my friends pass our graduation with decent scores. There were times I have been through bad times, and then my friends gave me sympathy and empathy too.

After finishing college, most of my friends went for their MBA, though my close friends wanted a job somewhere. I gave an interview, can’t make it through. I was happy instead being unselected in the interview, I never wanted to do a job and moreover I was not prepared for any job right then. One of my friends was too desperate for a job, he searched for a week or so then finally got a decent one and forced me to join. I went for the walk-in interview but with a condition applied, that we will leave within 5-6 months and go for MBA together. TCS, it was and for a month I have to go through an initial training, it was a good experience, I got the “Silver Certificate” and declared ‘Silver Performer’ out of the 30 freshers who joined TCS based on my performance in the training. Then the main work to be done in the office started just after my training, mine was completely a night shift job. That was not at all a problem for me, nor was the work done on the floor but yes, my boss to some extent. I hated her unnecessary screams at under performers, they needed to be guided and taught in a different way to minimise their errors, screaming doesn’t help always in MNCs. I tried to help my co-workers, understanding how they want to learn things and what the best way to make them learn is, keeping them at peace. They learned the process slowly, but they learnt by heart. I earned most of my co-worker’s love and respect, and I respected them back. The one thing which is important in an organisation apart from working is, being observant and responding accordingly, follow this rule you’ll rise big in any organisation. I left the organisation in around 6 months, while working my day become night and night become my day, a vice-versa routine of a normal human being. On the last working day during the last hours, everybody gathered and to my surprised and asked me to say a few words, ‘I enjoyed working with you guys.’ I said. I couldn’t say much, a flow of emotional feelings rushed through me, a lump in my throat. Some of my co-employees will be always remembered, they’re in my heart.

We together gave the entrance exams and applied to the same colleges, gave our GD/PI together and got selected in a decent college in Pune. This is mid of 2012.

Beginning

Everyone loves in order to get loved back, to see the world around us loving each other. I loved all my girlfriends the way they wanted to accept my love for them. When I was with those girls, I was like the water which takes the shape of the container in which it is poured & kept. But finally the container gets corroded in course of time and the water leaked from the hole in the container and all those containers were empty soon because all the containers were perhaps made up of iron except the first container which was made up of copper instead. But some external force made the container to fall down and spill the water out of it, though still few drops of water remains in the copper container and so my first love & I can’t get away separate ways even after years of our break up though she insists she loves someone else now.

When I was in school I merely knew what love is. But it was her voice which made me realise that love is listening to her voice, love is answering her stupid questions, love is annoying her and then again pampering her with utmost care, my love understands her silence and her breaths. But after loving, fighting & caring for two years both of us moved apart without saying any words to anyone. We both got busy in our lives. I moved to another city and a year later after completing her higher secondary exams she too moved to some other city for pursuing her higher studies. As the distance between us become larger, another boy who was already inclined towards her somehow made a chance to enter into her life and she never knew when she too fall for that other guy.

I never cared to get back to her in those past years, even though I missed her a lot. But one late night at around 2a.m, I got a call from an unknown number, it was her voice and I was surprised to hell. We were gossiping for last 3 long hours but those three hours were still nothing to express how much we missed her in a year. That night she kissed me through the phone and told me about the guy she loves now. It was like she made the castle of sand for me and ruined it herself in matter of moments. She never left any option in front of me other than to accept her as someone else’s love and I did that. After that night, I fought hard to find love in some other girl and I succeeded but my success couldn’t go long for more than six months. Like this three years passed and in these three years too many break ups for me and I never liked it anyways. I saw each of my break-ups as a new beginning for the unnamed love and I found some new forms in me like a loner, a writer, a kind of poet and a flirt. Being a loner I walked all the alleyways and subways in my surrounding area which I believed to be the best way to know at least some part of a city. It was then when one of my ex girlfriend left me when I started to write poems and now it’s something I can’t imagine to live without. Special thanks to her for leaving me alone otherwise I couldn’t have found the writer or the poet in me. The days of Kolkata, along with several break-ups and patch-ups with different girls made me a flirt. A simple boy who hardly dares to stare at girls becomes a flirt and all my thanks to girls. Even my first love says so and the reason for this is that I am very polite and decent while communicating with girls.

And let me be very honest, girls are capricious like our life and it’s better if we don’t try to understand them and if we try to understand them then we may derive the wrong conclusion because these girls always have pocketful of excuses and more of seductive ways to dissolute your anger into peace and we guys always gets melted as soon as they start babbling with their innocent facial expression. But these girls are the reason sometimes for our happiness and we get used to their so much of unreasonable nagging. In my case, the girls were my saviour. They pushed me in the direction which was my way, into writing stuffs.

The years I’ve lived in Kolkata, I got to understand life more, the people around me made me think of life and its meaning deeper. In the race of life, the one who have no wish to run along with everyone else are considered as losers and those moving in the opposite direction are judged as crazy or dissidents. I ran with everyone else in the so called life’s race in the right direction but I’m surprised to see that I’m not content & satisfaction never surrounded my heart. I decided to stop but my stopping would have affected souls who are much more obliged than me to my life. I continued in the same traditional path as everybody else used, though deep in my soul I knew this is not what I saw myself in future. One fine morning, I’ll wake up from my futile slumber and go in the direction in search of my own future which I imagined when I was in school. Being in the race of life in the traditional way in which everybody else approaches will give me all the materialistic pleasures but my heart will never be at ease. With passing time I fall in love with myself and my writings, each time I read and re-read my writings I’m amazed to believe that I have written this note not for anybody else on this planet but for my satisfaction. This satisfaction is the real sense of pleasure in my life and after my each writings the satisfaction itself is not satisfied with itself, it wants more of it next time and this want will create something better than before. Finally, my quench for this thirst will never be satisfied by plain water but spring water can do a part and spring water is scarce. Love is the reason for our happiness and it is the reason for sadness too but please don’t regret love. This is the beginning.

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‎I’m standing on the edge of the roof,

I can’t give lives any worthy proof.

I don’t have any words to explain,

I am the reason for all my pains.

Life is worthy if you stand alone,

That’s why all my friends are gone.

They all are winning their life,

They started their game for second fight.

The night is dark & scary,

I might cry aloud at the moonless wary.

Why we have to struggle to be happy?

Why do we all run after paper money?

The world have gone totally crazy,

But I’ll not run after this damn money.

Love is all I need, Love is all I give.

This is the way I choose to live.

Looking into the constant darkness,

I’m searching for some ray of hope.

But I know it’s there with god’s grace,

All lords will surely make me win life’s race.

I’m standing on the edge of roof,

With some promises I ought to keep.

Those promises are mine and I’ll surely someday shine…

Today is my Birthday!

Thank you friends for your wishes and making my Facebook wall look like a celebrity’s wall. And thank you God for making able to see the life for the past 22 years and experience it with ups & downs. What a wonderful experience it has been so far.

The past year were not wonderfully good but was not also fathomable worse. I must thank god for the problems he made to face me, in a way these problems made me a stronger being. It was a learning experience for me.

The people I met in the journey of my life, the friends who joined me in my good and bad times as well, and the controversies I have been into with some delightful people in my life you all are wonderful to have. The girls who left me & those whom I left (long list to write), you all made me realise love is never final. Often most of my poems come out from your thoughts, words & memories. Thanks for the love & praise we together once shared. Thanks for breaking my heart into pieces, otherwise I would never have been the stupid poet I see myself today.  Somebody said, ‘It’s good to have at least a heart break once in every life because that will let you know where you stand in this world and make you live a life better as a human.’ Well, considering all positives only, the negatives of heart break kept aside. J

Wherever I stand today, it’s because of my parents and their hope & faith in me. And I wish to grow further. They are the living gods I have ever met since my birth. Sometimes their words annoy me a lot, but then they have the right to say so to their child. Love you ‘maa & baba’. I have learnt many things from my brother too; he deserves to be what he is today. Wish someday he makes his name proud.

In the course of living life, I have hurt many and I know just feeling sorry is not done. But if someday I meet those hearts again, I would surely ask to forgive me for the mistakes I did may be intentionally or unintentionally.

Bless me lord for I can see the path to realise my dreams and bless those who prays to you. Keep the world safe, for people are there waiting to realise their dreams. Let the beauty of every soul shine like the sun and help others to shine at least like the moon. The world is a place to share love, peace & joy.

Happy Birthday to me.